Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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