yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
