He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
