so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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