Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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