I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
