i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
