We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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