you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
