Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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