if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
