so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
