the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
