What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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