Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
