Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
