ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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