new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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