Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
