so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
