I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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