Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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