i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
