Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
