I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
