I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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