Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize