if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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