so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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