i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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