I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
