If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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