She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
