Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
