the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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