It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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