i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
