So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize