erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
