there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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