I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
