Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
