It's like God shit irony all over that family
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
