NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
