YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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