I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
