Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
