How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
