i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
