I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
