so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
