Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
