Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
