Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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