I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
