My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is classic penis vs brain.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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