I just found puke in my bra..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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