just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
