Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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