There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
