Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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