btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
tell me about the eggs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
