Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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