he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
