I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
