I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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