this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
