Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
