he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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