there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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