it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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