come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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